Alienation is Bad

Love this song. Gwen's hair looks really nice...

Everyone probably has a different catalyst that put their social anxiety in gear. For me, there were a whole sort of things: I was born kind of sensitive to criticism, I became quiet, I didn't have a lot of relationships, but one of the big reasons was probably the feeling of alienation.

Feeling like a loner never made me feel happy. We are humans and we are social creatures. Having some sense of acceptance is quite important, and when during my teenage years I felt completely isolated, it made me have a very negative view of the world.

Sometimes that feeling will still creep up. It's like a chip on my shoulder where I feel that everyone in the world is against me. I look at "them", meaning "normal people" as the enemy. I have a natural competitiveness in me, so that doesn't help the problem.

One thing that helped me away from this problem was over the summer I got invited to someone's b-day party out of the blue. I went, didn't know anyone there except for the birthday girl, and mingled with so many people. I was completely out of my comfort zone, but something amazing happened. Afterwards, my brain de-programmed from all that me-vs-the-world attitude into acceptance. I realized that people were not out to get me. That feeling of alienation was from me, not from them.

It wasn't personal. If they weren't hanging out with me, either I didn't make the effort or they were busy with thier own lives. But certainly, they were not against me, per se.

Friendships are important, and it's the way our brain is wired--finding happiness by liking the people around us.
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Anyway, for lyrics of the song:

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning and the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right