Is There a Cure for Social Anxiety and Avoidant Personality?

Before I delve into a deep discussion about how I overcame Avoidant Personality Disorder or social anxiety or social phobia or whatever you want to call it, I'd like to address this issue first. There are many people who have this who believe whole heartedly that they will never get better. Or that at best, they will only see minor improvements.

They rationalize away any chance of improvement by claiming that they were born differently or that their brain is now wired a certain way. Ironically, they do this with a lot of confidence. They are so sure they can never improve, that life in the real world is not designed for them, so to speak.

They claim that they tried. They really pushed themselves and either (a) the outcome did not go their way thus "proving" this method doesn't work or (b) they simply couldn't push themselves past the anxiety thus "proving" that determination alone is not good enough.

I can relate to both of these things because I've been there. I've been in situations where I tried and failed miserably. I've been in situations where my own nervousness probably acted as a self-fulfilling prophesy, making other people feel socially uncomfortable due to my poor communication skills.

I've also been on the other side where I would go to a mall with the intention of walking up to beautiful girls hoping to break my fear of women and talking to strangers in general, only to stand there shell shocked with paralysis. I remember standing there once, after months of continual approach anxiety and thinking to myself "This isn't right ... Social Anxiety really is a chronic disease ... God knows how bad I want this, and yet here I am standing here like an idiot."

I couldn't understand it. I lived with the philsophy that life is really about how much you want something. I figured that if someone put a gun to my head and said "do it or I'll kill you" then ofcourse I would do it. So I rationlized that it was still not wanting to do it enough. And in a way, I still think that.

But sometimes, taking 1 step back will give you 2 steps forward. Sometimes, the best approach is to take a breather, take a new perspective, and when you feel better, go for it again. This relates to what I wrote about Ideas earlier in that a good idea is one that fixes more than 1 problem.

For those who think that Avoidant Personality Disorder or Social Phobia cannot be cured, I have to ask them, what do they have to say to all the people who HAVE gotten better and no longer fit the criteria of DSM IV? Are they saying we're all liars? Honestly, I'm not sure I want to know the answer of that question in case they come up with yet another self-determined rationization about how they will live the rest of their life in misery. Try to answer those questions objectively, not as a defence mechanism for how right you think you are.

So am I cured? Yes for 95% of it. I no longer feel self-concious...I no longer care about other people's opinions more than my own...I no longer feel that other people (especially good looking or social butterflies) as being better than me...I no longer have people think that I'm a socially un-adjusted freak...I no longer have fear going into a job or giving presentations...I no longer get nervous talking to strangers. In many ways, I am more confident than even naturally confident people.

So basically, all actual symptoms that harmed my life are gone. The only one that even creeps up from time to time is a habit of not being as social as I want to be. Sometimes people call my voice mail or send me an email and I don't get back to them right away. I think this is a residue from my socially anxious days of not wanting to mingle with people. If someone asks me to a party, I have that initial reaction of wanting to say no, but I usually end up saying yes to over-ride that bad habit of turning everything down. So really the only things I have left are bad habits, and I'm sure with time they will go away.

I will get into how I became cured in a later post, but just know that if you have the right attitude and put yourself out there, you WILL get much better. It's just a matter of time, the best thing you can do for yourself is not to worry about it so much with your gloom and doom predictions.