What Social Anxiety Really Is

In American Psychology, the DSM IV criteria is the leading source of symptoms for any mental disorder, like Avoidant Personality Disorder. I hesitate to use the word "disorder" when describing this, not because I don't believe it is serious, but because it makes it seem like there is something inherently wrong with the person. I had very problematic social anxiety for many years that basically made living a healthy lifestyle impossible.

So according to DSM IV, a person is officially diagnosed with Avoidant Personality if they have atleast 4 of the following 7 elements pervasively in their everyday life, written in my own words:
i) avoids activities with social contact because of fear of criticism
ii) unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
iii) shows restraint in intimate relationships
iv) preoccupied with thoughts of being rejected
v) timid in new social situations, feeling inadequate
vi) views self as socially inept or inferior
vii) extremely reluctant to take on personal risks, fearing embarassment

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, what does it all mean? Why are these people so sensitive to negative evaluations? I think that is a more important question, and one I can answer because I've been through this. A good site on social anxiety is Social Anxiety Support.

To me, social anxiety is really just being really self-conscious and having an inferiority complex. That is the heart of what creates all those feelings you see above. The reason why rejection becomes magnified is simply because a person who has low self-esteem and thinks of themself as being inferior cares a lot more about what other people think of them, than what they think of themself.

I could say to myself "I'm a really nice guy and a really good person", but if a girl or even another guy criticized me in some way, it would sting. Subconsciously, I would believe that they were right. Afterall, everybody else had a socially adjusted healthy lifestyle, so it seemed that their opinion had to be better than mine. If a girl didn't want to talk to me again, it must therefor prove that I really was inferior. This kind of vicious cycle only perpetuated the disorder.

That is ultimately what this is, and in the future, I will continue to write about how I became cured of this disease.